I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
