After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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