Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
