Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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