she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
