You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i barfeds in our rink
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
