Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
