you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
