But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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