im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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