Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He has the fingertips of a God
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