dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
