we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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