he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i think my cat just said my name.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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