All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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