Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
