i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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