She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize