His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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