I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
