She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
