If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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