3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
