My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
