there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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