I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
