I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
