the condom got lost in my hair
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
