new low.... made out with someone while peeing
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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