i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
