Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
