I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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