Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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