dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
