Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
