just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
how drunk are you?
Several
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
