I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
