oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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