when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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