STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
