it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize