You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
