we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
