Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
