...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
