i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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