i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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