if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
