He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
