Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
