I think my fart just growled at me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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