I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
wow bdsm is so cute
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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