at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
