The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this just has baby written all over it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize