Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize