Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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