I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
