this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
