Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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