Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
