I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
