No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
