ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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