I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize