i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize