what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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